I need a new drug

by monicasjungle

1.) I have become such a lame-O.  I haven’t drank alcohol in months, no Mary-Jane in years.  So it’s not much of a surprise that my drug of choice is coffee.  About 30 minutes after I drink a cup, the caffeine has fully effected my brain and I start to pump out some endorphins.  Not just any endorphins.  These guys are super-endorphins.  They make my heart beat faster.  My fingers start to twitch.  My hands shake. 

And then I start thinking about shit.  Like weird, somebody-get-her-on-meds-before-she-ends-up-like-Britney shit.  I start thinking about the universe, coincidences (do they exist?), the future and how much of it I can control.  Subjects that mad-scientists and paranoid schizophrenics think about ’round the clock.  And I get this coffee-induced grin.  It’s sloppy and big.  Giddy.  Over the moon. 

Usually after about 30 minutes of my ‘high’, I start to slowly float down.  It’s a nice float, not a crash-and-burn decent.  It’s pleasant.  And life goes back to normal.

2.)  I am SO happy that Amy Winehouse didn’t win a Grammy last night.  That bitch needs to clean up her act.  Some people would give their right arm to have what she’s got.  Not just her fame and awesome singing voice, but everything that comes with it.  Do you know hard impossibly hard it is to break into the music biz?  To make a connection with a legitimate record company?  Do you know what an honor it is to perform at the Grammy’s?  And you’re wasting it away on drugs.  Wasting. 

Let me cut her some slack for a moment and just say that I know it’s not easy to overcome an addiction.  (See my coffee rant above)  But, seriously, Amy, you need to Get It Together.  You have a GIFT – one that should NOT be taken for granted, or thrown away.  Meditate on that. 

3.)  There are a couple of phrases that I REALLY wish people would stop saying.  Here are a few:

“I just threw up a little bit in my mouth!”  There are several variations to this, and I HATE them ALL.  Get over it.  This phrase is NOT ORIGINAL anymore.

“…Not so much…”  Aaarg, I hate this one, too.  STOP already!

“It’s a wrap!”  Again, this phrase has been floating around since 2005!

4.)  Which name do you think I should use on my headshot?  And why?

1.  Monica Matteo
2.  Monica Matteo Salinas
3.  Monica Salinas

5.)  I’m seriously ready for a huge change.  Some of you know some of the changes I have in the pipeline, some of you don’t.  But I’m tellin’ ya, 2008 is going to be a very different year for me.  Brace yourself.